So I went to the nearest Rogers store, and sure enough, they have the shiny new white tower ... They punched it into my account, and apparently my account does not allow for an upgrade to that f'ing modem So they ended up giving me an almost-identical black one, but with "AC" beside the Rogers logo ...
Who knows if it's better or not, as I'm now using the Asus router... The Asus router has a much better interface and appears easier to tweak, newbie-wise ...