I still get nervous when I remember this cluster that I got myself into once.

4 years ago or so I was working at a place where I had a company issued blackberry. Why is this relevant? That BES, doe

During one of our busiest times of the year we were trying to freeze some numbers in order to project our 5 year rolling budget, unfortunately this is a hard concept for some VP’s to grasp (you have to stop making changes to a budget) and I snapped. I started bbm’ing a buddy of mine within the company about how that VP is a complete clown, I must’ve called him every name under the sun, best part is my buddy wasn’t responding. I generally wouldn’t do something like that, but I was ready to walk out as I was super frustrated with this particular VP and him throwing wrenches in my work.

Co-worker who I was sending the messages to came to my desk and told me to stop sending him those messages over bbm as he thinks someone might be reading them. O’rly? Oh FAWK!!!!!! Just as he told me this, I see dickwad VP walk by my desk and storm into IT manager’s office while looking at me.

I gotta tell you, my hands were trembling at that point, my buddy and I looked at each other, he left immediately and I just sat at my desk not knowing wtf I was going to do or how I would explain what I said. Not even two minutes into my emotional turmoil VP storms out of IT Manager’s office, gives me a stare down and storms off into his office.

5 minutes go by, hands still kinda shaky and I am basically paralyzed, I can’t think straight, my heart was in my throat, I might’ve had a mini heart attack to be honest…and then it came. VP called my desk phone and told me to come see him in his office. The stars were aligned, it was lunch time (most employees were out) and a Wednesday (textbook perfect time to let someone go). This VP has never called me into his office, so I was certain I was about to get canned. Before I went, I quickly emptied my desk, deleted personal files on my laptop, put my jacket on and put my game face on. With a straight face I walked into his office, sat down, jacket all buttoned up and everything, and I waited for it….and waited…and it didn’t come. He wanted to talk to me about something work related, I don’t remember anything he said, I was just waiting to be escorted out. Didn’t happen, I walked back to my desk and researched Blackberry BES servers while sitting at my desk with my jacket on the entire afternoon (wasn't convinced I wasn't getting let go).

Turns out the company didn’t have it.

Self Trolling Expertise: Phenomenal